I Know Depression

I know depression.

I know what it feels like to hurt and hurt so deeply that it reaches the depths of your soul.

I know what it feels like to have that nagging pain that won’t seem to go away.

I know what it feels like to lay in the bed at night crying your heart out.

I know what it feels like to pray to God, begging Him not to let you wake up in the morning because you can’t stand the sadness anymore.

I know what it feels like to smile and pretend that everything is okay, even though you’re dying inside.

I know what it feels like to try to hide what you’re going through from classmates, coworkers, family and friends.

I know what it feels like.

I know depression.

I’ve dealt with depression since I was 13 years old. And over the past 10 years, I’ve struggled with it in silence, for the most part. I struggled with it alone, silently drowning in pain and soaking in tears for a lot of reasons.

I was afraid of the stigma that comes with depression. Afraid of being judged by others and being called “crazy”.

I didn’t want people to think I was weak or could not handle everything on my own. And a lot of times, I honestly did think I could handle it on my own.

I thought that depression meant that I was ungrateful. I mean, my life hasn’t been picture perfect, but I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a lot to be happy about, so why couldn’t I be? Why couldn’t I just snap myself out of it and be “normal” like everyone else?

I also always placed extremely high expectations on myself and felt that I had to be perfect. Depression got in the way of me being perfect and reaching the incredibly high standards I set for myself. Admitting that I was battling depression, felt like having to admit that I didn’t always have it together and perfect, and that was something I wasn’t ready to do for the longest.

But over this past year, as I’ve grown in my relationship with Christ, I’ve started to realize that depression is not my destiny. John 10:10 tells us that the enemy came to steal, kill and destroy, but Jesus came so that we could have life and have it abundantly. Depression isn’t a life of abundance. It steals your hope. It kills your joy. It destroys your peace. That’s not the life any of us are meant to live. We’re meant to live an abundant life. Occasional sadness is a natural and necessary part of life, but when sadness lingers for too long and starts turning into depression, it’s okay to reach out and get help. I know that I’ve spent the past ten years of my life, suffering with depression and struggling to hide it from others, because of fear and shame. But, I’m finally in a place where I’m ready to heal from my depression. And I’m starting that healing process with a caring professional and deciding to share what has been an incredibly painful part of my life with others.

So if you’re going through depression and you’re reading this, know that you are not alone. The sadness, emptiness and hopelessness that you’re dealing with is something that I’ve dealt with, and so many others have, too. It’s okay that you’re hurting but know that you don’t have to continue hurting for the rest of your life and God doesn’t want you to hurt for the rest of your life. Please don’t let the fear of being judged or the shame about the pain that you’re feeling keep you from getting the help and the healing God so desperately wants you to have. No matter how it feels right now, understand that He sees the pain that you’re going through, just like He saw all the pain I’ve gone through over the past ten years. He sees your broken heart and He’s close to you. He sees how depression has crushed your spirit and He’s more than willing to rescue you. (Psalm 34:18) He loves you so much and He wants you to heal and be whole. Some of your healing will come from praying and crying out to Him, but often times healing will also come through the help of a trained counselor or therapist. That healing may also include taking medication until you start feeling better. And if it does, that’s perfectly okay. It took me an entire decade to realize that, but it doesn’t have to take you that long. I know that it’s so hard to deal with depression, especially when you’re hiding your pain in the darkness of fear and shame. But you don’t have to deal with depression alone. You can reach out to get the help that you need, so you can start living your life, and live it more abundantly.

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Birthing Pains

Birthing Pains

Every mother knows when she starts feeling contractions her baby is on the way. She knows it’s time to push and endure the pain so she give birth to her baby.

When you go through pain in your life, know that it’s because something incredible is on the way. Push through and endure the pain so you can give birth to your blessing.

Dear Love: Healing from Pain

Dear Love,

Healing can’t come until you decide to let go of the pain. I know you want to move on from the past but you’re still holding on to all those painful memories. You keep saying you’re ready to move on but you keep going back to the places and people that cause you the most pain. You say you don’t want to end up bitter and broken, yet you’re unwilling to forgive. Unfortunately, love, you can’t have your cake and eat it too, on this one. If you want to claim your healing, you’ve got to consciously let go of everything that keeps re-injuring you.

XOXO,

Sarita

Dear Love: Healing For Your Heart

Dear Love,

So often, we re-injure our own hearts by continuing to open ourselves up to people in hopes that they will be able to heal all the pain we’ve experienced in the past. We’re so blinded by the emptiness and pain that we’re already feeling from past relationships, that we can’t see that the people we keep turning to for healing are just like the ones before. We end up running into the arms of another person who is just like the ones that hurt us in the past. Only to get hurt yet again. Only to run to yet another person just like the ones before. Only to keep ourselves in a vicious cycle that drives us deeper into the very hurt and pain we’re trying rescue ourselves from. The faces may change, but the injury doesn’t. We just keep adding layer upon layer of pain to a heart that’s already been so deeply wounded.

Stop searching, love.

You’re heart can only take so much pain. You can only be broken so many times. You deserve to heal. You deserve to find true love. You’ve been searching all over for it. From relationship to relationship. From person to person. From one thing to the next. But nothing fills that gaping hole inside of you. Everything you’ve found so far has only temporarily numbed and drowned out the pain, but it doesn’t heal the pain like you’ve been hoping it would.

Can I help you out, love?

The only one that can heal your broken heart. The only one that can restore your wounded soul. The only one that can make you whole again is the One who died for you at a place called Calvary. The One who gave His life so you could have life abundantly. He died to rescue you from your brokenness. He died to heal every single pain. He died to mend your tattered heart. He died to save your lost soul. He loves you unconditionally and uncontrollably. Intensely and immensely. His love is powerful enough to restore every part of you that is hurting, empty and sad. But you have to let Him. You have to make the choice to stop giving your heart to people who don’t know how to take care of it. You have to stop trusting those people that are dealing with their own brokenness, to be in charge of your healing. You have to fling yourself into the arms of the only One who can give you what you’ve desperately been searching for. Trust Him with your whole heart like you’ve been trusting so many others with it. Bare you entire soul before Him, the same way you’ve bared it to others. If you give Him your heart and soul, He won’t ever leave you or let you down. Give Him your all: your brokenness, your emptiness, your despair, your pain and your fear. I promise you, He will give you wholeness, fullness, joy, peace, and love that’s everlasting.

He wants to give you “beauty for your ashes”, my love…but only if you let Him. ❤

XOXO,

Sarita

Dear Love: You’re Still Here

Dear Love,
I don’t care what you’ve been through or how much you’ve been hurt, the fact that you can read this means that you can recover and heal from the pain. The fact that you’re still here despite all of the hurts. The fact that you survived every single struggle. The fact that you were able to push through the pain means that you’re ready to be renewed and restored. You might be barely holding on, but YOU ARE holding on. Don’t give up, love! Know that God has seen everything you’ve been going through. Every tear you’ve cried. Every time your heart has been broken. Every time your trust has been abused. Every time you’ve been tossed to the side. Even when you didn’t feel His presence or think that He cared, He was there. He was there bringing you through hardships that others couldn’t make it through and that’s a testimony all by itself. And now He’s ready to restore you and make you shine like never before. What you thought was Him abandoning you when you were at your absolute lowest. What you thought was Him forgetting you when you needed Him the most, was really just Him refining you in the fire and making your faith pure (1 Peter 1:7). Continue to hold on and rest assured that you’ve been through the fire and your faith has been tested but your “praise, glory and honor” is coming sooner than you think.

XOXO,

Sarita